Bang Bang

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IT'S ROTTT!!!

Welcommmmmmmeeeee to hul-CUT, the show for movie fanatics, where we rave about the latest movies. This is RJ Shrikant. And today we are going to target Bang Bang. What a title!!  Bang Bang!! Why so??  Lots of fireworks… Hero dancing with fireworks bursting from the backside…

Aisi kya, chali hawa, ki le gayi

Meri saanson ko mujhse door

Awwww Gross…

Kaise yeh huaa magar

Na hai mujhe, na tujhko koi khabar

Even Grosser…

Na jaanu main, na jaane tu

Huaa ye jaadu kaise

Jadu?? What Jadu?? Seems to be flatulence!!!

Oops did I say backside... I meant Background.

Or rather like the heroine Harleen said - Hero is like a Panda... Eats Shoots and leaves... Oh just the punctuation and pauses are different for the hero and for Panda.

Coming back to the story. It is claimed that the Kohinoor has been stolen by someone. Apparently this someone is allegedly Rajveer - the Protagonist/Antagonist/Antacid something of this story. And then the good guys and the bad guys and the good bad guys and the bad good guys are all after him. And what is he doing? He's running from all these guys and jumping off houses and running away limping only to gatecrash into a blind-date for Harleen - Bank Receptionist. Rajveer despite his limp manages to woo the lady with his awesome dancing skills that hardly seem to bother his limp. Probably his limp is only because of rheumatism and dancing is supposed to be good for rheumatism.

All seems to be going good for love sick Harleen when suddenly she has to visit the ladies room. On returning, she finds her date missing. Whoa!! But he's left her a present. A nice, longgggg bill of all that he ordered and all that he devoured including a lot of furniture. Damn!! Must have been hungry.  Harleen just hands over her card to pay for the bill. Oops it’s not her plastic card but her boss' visiting card. Bechara gets hauled up by the police

Meanwhile, while returning home, Harleen accidently rams her car into Rajveer. Nopes, she wasn't part of a drunken driver in hit and run case. At first she is sorry to have hit a person. Then she is happy that she hit Rajveer (for running out of the date as if she smelt of week old pav bhaji) then she is sad about feeling happy and then happy that she felt sad about feeling happy about hitting him. This continues for a while inside Harleen's brain till he brain short circuits and she passes out.

When she wakes up, same cliched scene. “Where am I??” Nah, no “Who am I??”... She does not have amnesia yet. She clearly remembers last night. Even after such a harrowing experience of her date almost devouring the entire restaurant, she still has place for him in her heart... Awww how romantic

Uff mere dil mein thodi khaali si jagah thi

Tune aake bin kiraaye ye jagah li

Yo people listen to the song

and feel the pain

Even in these times of recession

the heart's not given in vain

wherever you go

gotta pay EMI or rent

else without notice

Off you'll be sent

Kuch keh bhi na saki, ye kaisi bebasi

Yun chupke chupke aaya bin bulaya mehmaan

In the meanwhile all the good bad and other guys are after Rajveer and Harleen trying to capture them. Rajveer becomes java coder to save his new lady love and himself.

While (not safe)

do

Execute PandaSequence

{

EAT();

SHOOT();

LEAVE();

}

done

Problem is Harleen turns out to be hardware programmer and interrupts his piece of code with a hardware interrupt cause she was getting a sneeze. Did you know that you could not keep your eyes open while you sneezed? You can definitely try that… but don't try sneeze with your nose closed, you might hear your ears popping.

Ohhh!!!  I hear someone sneezing. Its Harleen. You can't proceed with the movie with common cold afflicted lead lady. You can have some really un-ladylike incidents. So we do penance to appease the might deity Snicks Naporub. Just rub it on your nape and all your common cold afflictions are gone. Ditto the case with Harleen. She is so relieved that she breaks into song and dance

Tune naak par laga jab

The all new Snicks Naporub

Bina maange hi mill gaya hai sab

Sneezes gayi aur

Khul gaya hai sab

Meherbaan hua hua

Meherbaan hua Rub

- Powered by Snick NapoRub.

Soon Harleen is captured by Villain Omar Zafar. And our hero Rajveer intervenes and saves her with moves that would give Kung-Fu Panda a run for his money along with some spare timed explosives that he plants on villains fortress with Ching-GUM. Nopes no ad for Ching's secret as we do not have tie up with Mr. Ranveer Ching nor do we have any specific affinity of Chinese Food. And then like in all pot boiler movies, a last minute chase and a one on one standoff between hero and villain. Villain dies, hero faints.

Rajveer wakes up. Same cliched scene again. “Where am I???” He is under unwanted police protection. Harleen whisks him away in Panda Style

Oops she is observing some vrat... so does not EAT

Oops she lost her smart phone and her not so smart gun... so does not shoot

But definitely leaves.. Leaves us bewildered. What hit us??

Bang Bang right till the end!!

Bang Bang... in the head!!

Bang Bang... Who am I??

Bang Bang... Why am I here??

Bang Bang, Bang Bang, Bang Bang

Jaane kyun...

Bang Bang, Bang Bang, Bang Bang

Jaane kyun... Bang Bang!

You were listening to hul-CUT with RJ Shrikant

Until next time keep listening to RADIO SHITTYYYY

Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO

IT'S ROTTT!!!