Welcome to RADIO SHITTYYYY
Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO
IT'S ROTTT!!!
Welcommmmmmmeeeee to hul-CUT, the show for movie fanatics,
where we rave about the latest movies. This is RJ Shrikant. And today we are
going to target Bang Bang. What a title!! Bang Bang!! Why so?? Lots of fireworks… Hero dancing with fireworks
bursting from the backside…
Aisi kya, chali hawa, ki le gayi
Meri saanson ko mujhse door
Awwww Gross…
Kaise yeh huaa magar
Na hai mujhe, na tujhko koi khabar
Even Grosser…
Na jaanu main, na jaane tu
Huaa ye jaadu kaise
Jadu?? What Jadu?? Seems to be flatulence!!!
Oops did I say backside... I meant Background.
Or rather like the heroine Harleen said - Hero is like a
Panda... Eats Shoots and leaves... Oh just the punctuation and pauses are
different for the hero and for Panda.
Coming back to the story. It is claimed that the Kohinoor
has been stolen by someone. Apparently this someone is allegedly Rajveer - the
Protagonist/Antagonist/Antacid something of this story. And then the good guys
and the bad guys and the good bad guys and the bad good guys are all after him.
And what is he doing? He's running from all these guys and jumping off houses
and running away limping only to gatecrash into a blind-date for Harleen - Bank
Receptionist. Rajveer despite his limp manages to woo the lady with his awesome
dancing skills that hardly seem to bother his limp. Probably his limp is only
because of rheumatism and dancing is supposed to be good for rheumatism.
All seems to be going good for love sick Harleen when
suddenly she has to visit the ladies room. On returning, she finds her date
missing. Whoa!! But he's left her a present. A nice, longgggg bill of all that
he ordered and all that he devoured including a lot of furniture. Damn!! Must
have been hungry. Harleen just hands
over her card to pay for the bill. Oops it’s not her plastic card but her boss'
visiting card. Bechara gets hauled up by the police
Meanwhile, while returning home, Harleen accidently rams her
car into Rajveer. Nopes, she wasn't part of a drunken driver in hit and run
case. At first she is sorry to have hit a person. Then she is happy that she
hit Rajveer (for running out of the date as if she smelt of week old pav bhaji)
then she is sad about feeling happy and then happy that she felt sad about
feeling happy about hitting him. This continues for a while inside Harleen's
brain till he brain short circuits and she passes out.
When she wakes up, same cliched scene. “Where am I??” Nah,
no “Who am I??”... She does not have amnesia yet. She clearly remembers last
night. Even after such a harrowing experience of her date almost devouring the
entire restaurant, she still has place for him in her heart... Awww how
romantic
Uff mere dil mein thodi khaali si jagah thi
Tune aake bin kiraaye ye jagah li
Yo people listen to the song
and feel the pain
Even in these times of recession
the heart's not given in vain
wherever you go
gotta pay EMI or rent
else without notice
Off you'll be sent
Kuch keh bhi na saki, ye kaisi bebasi
Yun chupke chupke aaya bin bulaya mehmaan
In the meanwhile all the good bad and other guys are after
Rajveer and Harleen trying to capture them. Rajveer becomes java coder to save
his new lady love and himself.
While (not safe)
do
Execute PandaSequence
{
EAT();
SHOOT();
LEAVE();
}
done
Problem is Harleen turns out to be hardware programmer and
interrupts his piece of code with a hardware interrupt cause she was getting a
sneeze. Did you know that you could not keep your eyes open while you sneezed?
You can definitely try that… but don't try sneeze with your nose closed, you
might hear your ears popping.
Ohhh!!! I hear
someone sneezing. Its Harleen. You can't proceed with the movie with common
cold afflicted lead lady. You can have some really un-ladylike incidents. So we
do penance to appease the might deity Snicks Naporub. Just rub it on your nape
and all your common cold afflictions are gone. Ditto the case with Harleen. She
is so relieved that she breaks into song and dance
Tune naak par laga jab
The all new Snicks Naporub
Bina maange hi mill gaya hai sab
Sneezes gayi aur
Khul gaya hai sab
Meherbaan hua hua
Meherbaan hua Rub
- Powered by Snick NapoRub.
Soon Harleen is captured by Villain Omar Zafar. And our hero
Rajveer intervenes and saves her with moves that would give Kung-Fu Panda a run
for his money along with some spare timed explosives that he plants on villains
fortress with Ching-GUM. Nopes no ad for Ching's secret as we do not have tie
up with Mr. Ranveer Ching nor do we have any specific affinity of Chinese Food.
And then like in all pot boiler movies, a last minute chase and a one on one standoff
between hero and villain. Villain dies, hero faints.
Rajveer wakes up. Same cliched scene again. “Where am I???”
He is under unwanted police protection. Harleen whisks him away in Panda Style
Oops she is observing some vrat... so does not EAT
Oops she lost her smart phone and her not so smart gun... so
does not shoot
But definitely leaves.. Leaves us bewildered. What hit us??
Bang Bang right till the end!!
Bang Bang... in the head!!
Bang Bang... Who am I??
Bang Bang... Why am I here??
Bang Bang, Bang Bang, Bang Bang
Jaane kyun...
Bang Bang, Bang Bang, Bang Bang
Jaane kyun... Bang Bang!
You were listening to hul-CUT with RJ Shrikant
Until next time keep listening to RADIO SHITTYYYY
Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO
IT'S ROTTT!!!
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